Those Moments

This was posted on social media February 3, 2021. What has been two long years comes back to this powerful truth. I pray it encourages you to seek Him today.

I HAD A CONVERSATION with the Lord the other day. It came unexpectedly. There, I lay, sometime middle-of-the-night, and the presence of God was so strong in the room.

What you have to understand is the worst problem I had, to overcome panic in my life, was surviving the night hours. This is why the sunrise is so precious to me. Sunrise meant the night was over.

But over time, I have made it a habit to pray and talk to God in those dark night hours. Now, it is something I look forward to. The world is quiet, and it's just me and Him, speaking.

However, this was the first time where it was a conversation. I asked a question, and He answered it. I asked another, and He answered that one. Two nights ago, it happened again. "What" He said on either occasion is important, but what I want to communicate here was the thing I did not expect to experience and the revelation I had from it.

I only came to those moments through seeking.

"When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek." (Psalms 27:8 KJV)

I continuously seek Him, all day and all night, and I've found that in placing Him first, in my seeking His presence, all the other things I need to do fall into place. Understand, there were things I used to like to do, things I enjoyed watching on TV, but I chose, instead, to focus on God. To pray, instead of complain. To worship, instead of fill my mind with noise. I chose to talk to God, instead of that invisible person we all talk to.

And at night, I choose to pray when I wake up. I sometimes just raise my hands and say, "I love you." I don't expect anything but am grateful for where He's brought me. However, God doesn't work one-sided. We give, not expecting a return, and He will return it anyway.

So, there I am asking questions, and He showed me the most marvelous thing. As if He'd opened His heart, I saw His great love. We don't understand love. I know I didn't. Every form of love in our human lives comes with strings. A wife loves her husband but seeks to avoid doing things he won't like (or is supposed to, haha). A child loves their parent but seeks to obey. An employee loves his job and seeks to prove his worth to the company.

There's always this thread of what we shouldn't do to upset the one we love or guilt for what we have done that we could have avoided. There's always an expectation from love related to our behavior. Even in our idea of love for God, we are quick to quote the verses, to speak about how God loved the entire world. We retell what Jesus did in dying for man, and the love we know God has drives us toward salvation and seeking of Him. This is as it should be. But also, in our minds, is how to act and what we messed up on.

The love in God's heart is the purest, most open, most unobstructed thing I've ever experienced. There is, as Romans 8:1 says, no condemnation in it. None. You've messed up? God loves you. You spoke out of turn? He loves you. Your life is a wreck. You have addictions, God's love is unaffected by them.

It's the cleanest, most refreshing spring water. It never ends, is never sullied, is never less at one moment and more at another. Take the worst human being alive, and we have no idea how much God loves them. We judge other people for what they wear, for how they talk, for how they live. God loves them as infinite as He ever did.

There are no conditions on it. Nothing to do to earn it. Nothing to stop doing to gain it. It's free and strong and eternal. It's really not possible to wrap our human minds around it. I know I experienced it twice now and can't really express it fully in words.

I won't forget it either. Because at my worst, lowest point, He didn't chide me. He didn't shame me or make fun of me. He sat there in the bathroom floor with me, amidst my fears and my sobbing, and He loved me.

Suzanne D. Williams, Author